Friday, July 12, 2013

Ready to Burst: the Need to Write

It has been quite awhile since I posted.  It's so hard to find the time to sit down and digest life's events, put my fingers to the keyboard and type.  Between mothering two little ones, working part time, and dealing with life in general, I find it hard to take the time to take a deep breath sometimes; to sit down and let it all out.  At this point, I don't have a choice or anything to lose.  Something within my soul is stirring-to share something, mainly for myself.  I'm tired of waiting for poetics and life-altering metaphors to come to my head; I'm tired of waiting for what I think the "perfect blog" should be.  I may not be the most well-written.  I may not have sentences put together with words that people want to share on Facebook, but I will not let Fear and Comparison steal from me any longer.   I want to share my most wonderful blessings, my two children - J and MC.  I want to share about my experience with my mom's diagnosis of ovarian cancer.  I want to share my struggles and joys as a stay-at-home-mom.  I want to share about how Jesus changes me and continues to work in my life.  I need to write.

And so I will begin.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

We are still here: a random information and an 8k

We are still here.  We have just had a lot going on:  work, sickness, visiting my parents, Jim coaching baseball, RUNNING MY FIRST 8K! etc.

I'm still working at the Y 5 days per week, but it is getting kinda old, and I am very conflicted.  I really do like having the responsibility, a routine, and getting out of the house, but I am not as excited about the little pay, taking care of other people's crying, snotty kids, and having my child catch every.single.sickness. going around.  Seriously the poor baby hasn't had a break.  He had 6 ear infections, colds, the most nasty stomach bug (which I caught and was miserable, but on the plus side, I lost 5 pounds!), got tubes put in, and then he caught hand, foot, and mouth disease!  It made for a miserable few weeks.  I feel like the reason Jack keeps getting sick is from being in the type of environment that is the Y nursery.  Anyway, I don't know whether to stick it out or get out.

A couple of weekends ago, Jack and I went to Charlotte to visit my parents.  We had a great time!  Jack loves Mimi and Grandpa! My mom watched Jack on Friday afternoon, and I was able to shop BY MYSELF!  It was glorious.  I browsed Marshalls for nearly 2 hours.   On Saturday, we went to Discovery Place Kids in Huntersville.  It was great.  Jack had the best time.  I was also able to have dinner with some girlfriends from high school.  What a wonderful weekend!

Jim is coaching baseball for the school he works for.  He is loving every minute of it, but it makes for some very long days for this momma.

The biggest news I have is that I ran an 8k last Saturday afternoon!!

I really hadn't trained.  I ran 4 miles ONCE that week, and that was it.  With Jack being sick, and not wanting me out of his sight, I just hadn't had the chance.  When Saturday arrived, I did not want to run.  It was cold, rainy, and my running partner  was ill and would be unable to run with me.  All day long I debated whether or not to run.  I kept coming up with excuse after excuse.  At 1PM, I decided not to run.  Then I remembered, I had already posted on Facebook that I planned to run. Stupid status updates.  I had to run.  So I did.

I laced up my shoes, grabbed a hat, and set off to run  5.12 miles in downtown Raleigh.  As I approached the course, I tried to pump myself up.  It must be a flat course, downtown Raleigh has to be flat, I don't have to run the whole time, I have a new playlist, I won't be the last one....and I felt good.

And then I stood in line to use the damn porta potty.  Behind me, I overhead a conversation that went a little like this:  "Run this course before?" "Yeah, last year."  "Is it tough?"  "Not too bad, but it's a very hilly course."  I turned around and glanced at the epitome of a runner.  Of course this toned, skinny, state of the art athletic gear wearing woman would say, "Not too bad."  A hilly course is my worst nightmare.  You see, I hate hills.  I hate walking up hills.  Running up hill?  No thank you.  It was too late to quit, so as I grew closer to the starting line surrounded by marathon runners and inside the belt line, real housewives of Raleigh women, I clutched my iPhone, turned up my new playlist, and said a little prayer.  "Lord, please don't let me be last. or die.  or trip."  The first 3.1 miles went well.  In fact, I would have had my fastest 5 k time:  31 minutes!  and then the hills didn't stop.  One right after the other.  Just as I would get down one, another one appeared (this may be a slight exaggeration, but this is how it felt to me).  My right foot fell asleep.  I couldn't feel it.  So, I walked for a little while. I didn't pace myself well.

Those last 2 miles were tortuous for me, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, picked out 4 people to stay alongside, 2 people that I wanted to beat, and kept right on going.  As I rounded the corner of the approaching finish line, I ran my little heart out.  I crossed the finish line with a time of 1:04:06.  Not great, but I finished.  I wasn't the last one.  I beat the 2 people I wanted to beat, and I have NEVER been more proud of myself.  Who knows what's next? I have always said (in my head) that one day I would run a marathon.  You know what?  I think I just may do it.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Jack - 15 months

My boy is growing up!  He went from this:
(3months old)

To this:

At 15 months Jack is a bundle of energy.  I love watching his curiosity grow every day.  He is a social little thing.  He may not be walking yet, but my boy can talk!  I love hearing new words come out of his mouth almost every day now.  Here are some of the words he is saying:

  • mama
  • dada
  • da (dog)
  • mi (milk) which he also signs
  • ca (car)
  • tuck (truck)
  • papa 
  • pa (for Grandpa)
  • kaka (Aunt Kaitlyn)
  • te(tree)
  • bye bye
  • pay (play)
  • Toys
  • soes (Shoes)
  • teese (cheese) He takes after his father and LOVES cheese!
  • ba (Ball)
  • He knows the animal sounds for cow, sheep, bird, dog, bear (he loves to growl at us)
He loves having books read to him ( I'm so glad!)  He will find a book, crawl over to me, hand me the book and lift his arms for me to pick him up.  I treasure these moments.  Some of his favorite books are: "Goodnight Moon," "The Friendly Book,"  "Piglet's Mama," "My Handsome Boy."

I was going to be one of those "good" moms who doesn't allow TV watching for her toddler, but that's why I should never make proclamations like that (natural childbirth!  breastfeeding until 2! organic food only!) ...because it doesn't actually work (at least for me).  Ya'll, Micky Mouse Club House has saved my life, and sanity many times (probably too many).  HE LOVES that Mouse!  Just recently, Jack woke up from his nap screaming.  (He had an ear infection, but I didn't know it yet).  I tried rocking, food, milk, snuggling, going outside, books, toys, new toys he hadn't seen from his birthday, calling daddy on the phone, and you know what, the ONLY thing that got him to at least calm down was that darn Mickey Mouse.  So, thank you Mickey.  Thank you for saving my sanity. and letting me take a shower.  and letting me cook dinner.

Jack loves to be outside.  He will go over to the door and sign "more" when he wants to be taken outside. I am thankful that it has been seasonably warm lately; it has allowed for trips to the neighborhood park where we swing, play in the sand, and people watch.  Well, I do most of the people watching.  It's amazing what you can overhear in while sitting in a sandbox.  Craziness.

I started Jack in a Mother's Morning Out program at a church in downtown Raleigh at the beginning of the month.  He goes 2 days per week and absolutely loves it.  They play, go on walks, and sometimes take them to the Raleigh Science Museum.  My child doesn't even bat an eye when I drop him off.  He immediately crawls right over to the toys and plays.  He doesn't cry.  at. all.  I'll admit, sometimes I wish he would just cry a little bit.  Sometimes I purposely linger at the door hoping for some sort of reaction. Just enough show that he really wants his mommy to be there with him.  I guess I just have an independent child, which I am grateful for, but I have also shed a tear over.  Is it weird that sometimes I wish my child would cry for me when I leave?  Is it weird that my 15 month old can sometimes hurt my feelings?  I'm the first to admit:  I have some acceptance issues:) 

My plan was to use these lovely 3 hours on these 2 days per week to have some "ME" time.  You know, take a shower by myself, work out without having to pack my child's bag, go to the grocery store without having to pack my child's bag and without having to worry about my child pulling food out of the cart and throwing it on the floor, maybe even go to the mall and be able to try on clothes in the dressing room, gasp!  But last month, I decided to accept a supervising positing at the YMCA.  I was already working 2-3 days per week simply as a means to make a little extra money and get out of the house, now I am working 5 days a week in the Y nursery taking care of other people's children while they exercise and take showers by themselves. However, it's a pretty sweet deal because on the days Jack doesn't go to school, he comes with me to the Y.  He loves it there too.  I'm still getting used to working a job with responsibilities AND take care of my child at the same time in the same space, but I am grateful.

I am loving this stage with Jack.  I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't asked the pediatrician (2 times) why my son isn't walking yet, but I know he will.  He will do it in his own time, which I am sure will make it all that more special.   I can't wait to see it!  

I love you baby boy!  I am so proud of you!  - Mommy

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Tuesday Thoughts

I have a lot of random thoughts in my head today, and for some reason I can't really narrow it down to one post.  I really want to keep this blog thing going, so here's what I've been thinking about:

-Jack has a double ear infection.  I didn't even know until his teachers (from his mother's morning out) called to say they thought he had pink eye (in which I promptly felt like the terrible mother who let her son go to school to spread germs to all the other children).  I took him to the doctor, and she took one look in his ears and...double ear infection...again.  for the third time.  Apparently the ear infection caused the pink eye which isn't contagious, thank God.  I can't believe I didn't catch it.  I mean Jack has been playing normally, slept 12.5 hours last night, and his eyes were not gunky AT ALL when I dropped him off at school.  So weird.  Anyway, he's on antibiotics, and I am hoping that he doesn't have to get tubes.  The idea of my baby having surgery (I know it's minor)

-I love the show 30 Rock.  It makes me happy.  "Good God Lemon, your breath!  When did you find time to eat a dirty diaper you found on the beach?"  makes me laugh! Plus, it's one show my husband and I agree on.

-I'm back on weight watchers for the 450094382739583 time.  I think I did really well this week.  I wrote every.single.thing down that I ate and stayed within my daily points allowance. Huh, following the program actually works, imagine that!  I sure hope I have good news when I weigh in tomorrow.

-I feel like I do laundry non stop.  and I'm not sure why my lovely husband feels the need to throw things in the laundry that he didn't even wear.  I love him, but really, I have been doing at least 6 loads of laundry per week.  It usually takes me 2-3 days to get it all washed, dried, folded, and put away, and then it's time to start all over again.  Wish I could pay someone to do it for me, but that really doesn't fit in with our plan to become debt free in 2012...sigh...

-Shopping.  I want to go shopping.  Shopping doesn't fit in our plan to become debt free in 2012 either.

-No.  Jack is not walking yet.  and I don't want to talk about it.

-My friends are awesome.  I had the best time last weekend with my friend Anna and her little boy.  We went to thePullen Park rode, the train, boats, carousel, and just played.  I think our little guys are going to be best buddies.

-And  I'll end with a couple pictures from our visit to the park.  I think these little boys are absolutely precious!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Christmas Questions

I saw this cute questionnaire and thought I'd give it a shot:)

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows:)  Is it weird that I've never had egg nog?  Something about the way it  sounds is not appetizing to me.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Growing up, we had both.  The bigger presents were always set out in our own little spots with our stockings, but we also had gifts under the tree.  I think Santa does whatever he wants:)
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White! Why do places always run out of white lights?  We went to get some more and Lowes and a Target were sold out!
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, but I wish I did!
5. When do you put your decorations up? The beginning of December.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Well, this isn't really a dish, but I LOVE the peppermint Hershey kisses. I guess my favorite dish would have to be my mom's sweet potato casserole.  I really want some of those kisses right about now...
 7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? I have so many wonderful holiday memories with my family.  It is difficult to think of a particular one.  However, I do remember getting my first walk man (!!!)  with my Carman (A2J) and Amy Grant (Baby, Baby anyone?) tapes.  I remember feeling very grown up with that thing.  Also, I LOVE singing Silent Night with the lighted candles at Church.  So beautiful.  I tear up every single time.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I never really believed in Santa.  My parents never told us he was real or not real, they just focused on the significance of the birth of Jesus. I took Jack to see Santa today...more on that later. 
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We used to open a small gift on Christmas Eve right after the Christmas Eve service at church.  Now, we just open on Christmas day. But I guess it's time to start some of my own family traditions.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Well, I broke down and bought a fake tree.  I was tired of the pine needles that I find continuously in the months after Christmas.  I think that when I have a bigger house and older children, I would like to go back to the real tree thing, but I think the fake one looks pretty good. Boy are those things expensive!  I never knew.  Anyway, I use white lights, red and silver balls, and ornaments collected over the years.  I love pulling each one out and thinking of the memory it holds.    This year, it was fun to find all the "baby's first Christmas" ornaments Jack received last year.  We really do have quite a collection, and I love it.  I think I'm going to have to start putting up numerous trees in my house to hold all of the ornaments!
11. Snow! Love it or dread it? LOVE.  Something about snow is magical. 
12. Can you ice skate? Not well.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I can't really think of a favorite.  I remember getting my first bike and my first walkman like I mentioned earlier.
14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?  Spending time with loved ones.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Chocolate pecan pie!
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? going to the Christmas Eve service at church all dressed up, singing Silent Night.  We used to always go over to My aunt and uncle's house after the Christmas Eve service, eat food, and hang out.  Those are some of my favorite memories. 
17. What tops your tree? I used to have a star, but it doesn't work on the fake tree.  I'm still looking.  I really want an angel!
18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? both!  I LOVE shopping for other people and wrapping presents.  I love seeing them open the gifts.  I like presents though....not gonna lie:)
19. Candy canes: yuck or yum? Depends on my mood
20. Favorite Christmas movie? Elf, Christmas Vacation, The Holiday
21. Saddest Christmas song? probably that Christmas Shoes song...It gets me every time.
22. What is your favorite Christmas song? Silent Night or Away in a Manger. I sang those 2 songs to Jack EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT last Christmas.  He was 2 months old around that time and I sang both of those over and over, especially during those 2, 3, and 4am feedings.  When I was little, I LOVED What Child is This?  I also really like to sing Jingle Bell Rock.

                                            Our Christmas tree this year.  After taking this picture, I realized the tree desperately needs a topper!
                                         PS - Don't you just LOVE babies in Christmas pajamas?  I could just eat him with a spoon!

Monday, December 5, 2011

My Little Talker

Jack is talking a lot these days.  He is 13 months old, and he isn't walking yet, but the boy can seriously say some words.  Just the other day, he woke up from his nap, and I walked in to his room.  I love when he first wakes up from his nap.  He is usually sitting up and calling out, "Ma!"  I love the way his hair looks crazy, and I love the way his eyes look filled with sleepiness.  So, back to the other day...
I walked in his room and started my normal: "Buzzy!  Is my baby awake??  Buzzy Boy!" I went over to his crib, and reached in to get him out.  He immediately pointed to the door and said, clear as a bell, "play" "toys."

I love this age. I love Jack's inquisitive nature.  I love seeing him discover new things every day.  What did I ever do before him?

                                             Just chillin in my wagon needing a hair cut:)

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Thanksgiving Post I have been working on for over a week now..

I still can't seem to get this blog thing down.  I have very good intentions of blogging more often, but for some reason, it just doesn't seem to happen.

So, here is the post I have been trying to put together for nearly a week...

On Thanksgiving day, I was awakened extremely early, as in 4:20am, by a certain little someone.  I was none too pleased with being up this early because I was registered for my first EVER 5k that morning, and it started at 8AM.  I got the certain someone back to sleep, but I was up for the day.  I was nervous about the race.  For once in my life, I stuck to a workout regimen.  I completed all 9 weeks of the couch to 5k program, and I registered for my first ever race, the Wake Forest Gobbler's Run on Thanksgiving day.  You see, I have always had this picture in my head or maybe I should say in my dreams.  In the picture, I am a toned, athletic girl with very nice legs- you know the legs with definition of muscle- that can run forever.  I will probably  never be the girl in my picture, but I am doing starting the journey to get there.  I am a runner.   I have never been more proud of myself for anything as I was for finishing a race.  When I crossed that finish line, I felt accomplished.  I felt of worth.  I felt amazing.  I can see why people get addicted to racing.  My time wasn't the greatest, 38:20, but I am nonetheless extremely proud.  It can only get better.  I will finish the journey.

After the race, I came home and did some cooking. I made a yummy sweet potato casserole.  Paula Dean never disappoints.  (I was very glad I ran that race) We were headed to my in-laws for Thanksgiving day.  It was a blast.  We ate a lot of food, watched too much football, in my humble opinion, but it was great.  Jack had a wonderful time.

                                           Jack really enjoyed the appetizers.
                                           My cute little guy.
                                           playing with papa's tank.  He LOVED that thing!

                                            He loved hanging out with his cousin Olivia.

On Friday morning, we packed up and headed to Charlotte to visit my parents for the weekend.  We had a great time.  We ate another Thanksgiving meal, did some shopping, and celebrated my mom's 60th birthday.

                                           my mom and sister
                                           Yummy collard greens
                                            a southern Thanksgiving isn't complete without gravy
                                           my two lovely sisters
                                            playing with Uncle Dan
                                           Isn't my hubby handsome?
                                           Mom, celebrating her birthday:)  
                                           little monkey man
                                            Jack with Aunt Miriam and Uncle Dan
                                           Yummy turkey
                                            Pumpkin Pie
                                           Riding around on Thomas
                                           Thanksgiving toast
                                           With Mimi and Grandpa

It's so great to spend time with family.  I absolutely love seeing Jack play with his aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  It's precious.  I can't wait until Christmas!

Tomorrow, I am running my SECOND 5k with my sister Kaitlyn.  I just want to beat my first time by at least one second.  I hope to have some pictures of this race since we forgot the camera for my first race.  Wish me luck!